Understanding ‘Quiet Quitting’ in Marriages: Signs and Solutions

Recently, the term “quiet quitting” has gained attention in workplaces, describing the act of doing only what’s required. This concept has found its way into marriages, highlighting a scenario where spouses remain together but reduce their emotional engagement.

In such relationships, partners may fulfill daily responsibilities like household chores and parenting while becoming emotionally and physically detached. Relationship experts note this phenomenon as a concern.

Lisa Brookes Kift, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Marin Therapy and Counseling in California, discusses early indicators of disengagement in a marriage. A lack of conflict doesn’t necessarily mean a healthy relationship. Kift highlights the issue of conflict avoidance, where individuals might ignore feelings and leave them unresolved, affecting emotional safety.

Attachment styles also play a role in how people handle distress in marriages. Those with an avoidant attachment may survive by relying on themselves. On the other hand, individuals with a secure attachment are more likely to engage with their partners to resolve issues, considering their needs and experiences.

Kift explores how early experiences involving trust and worthiness shape responses to marital distress. She advises considering whether crucial emotional needs were met during formative years and how they impact current relationships.

For those experiencing this dynamic, Kift suggests signs of emotional disengagement, including a decline in communication, unresolved conflicts, impatience, and assuming negative intentions about a spouse.

If these issues remain unaddressed, relationships may transition to “parallel play,” akin to toddlers playing alongside without interaction. Repairing such dynamics demands re-engagement from both partners.

Kift emphasizes the importance of communication that feels safe and shows care. Initiating a conversation with statements that express concern and willingness to discuss can be a starting point for couples aiming to reconnect.

Kift further underscores the challenge when one partner has emotionally checked out, noting that hypervigilance may obstruct recognizing positive changes.