Building Resilience in Children: Expert Insights

Parents often worry about how their children will cope when life becomes challenging, but resilience does not appear overnight. A 2019 study published in Health Affairs suggests that children are more likely to thrive if they have strong support systems and positive family relationships, even during difficult times.

Speaking to Newsweek, Manhattan-based psychotherapist Katie Rose shared four strategies parents can use to help raise resilient children.

1. Limit Your Child’s Choices

Rose highlighted that giving children excessive responsibility too soon can leave them overwhelmed instead of confident. “Resilient children develop confidence in their ability to solve problems over time,” she noted.

Rose’s advice:

• For ages 0-6, minimize unnecessary choices regarding toys, clothes, and activities to avoid overwhelming children and to build trust in caregivers.
• For ages 6-12, provide limited options and support thoughtful decision-making.
• For teenagers, transition to a consultant role, guiding while allowing more ownership of their choices.
• Increase responsibility gradually as children build confidence and decision-making skills.

2. Protect and Revere Childhood

Rose emphasized that children develop resilience when they feel fundamentally safe. A calm nervous system fosters curiosity, creativity, emotional regulation, and healthy risk-taking, while adult concerns can cause undue stress.

Rose’s advice:

• Cushion children from adult stresses, frequent news exposure, and complex issues beyond their developmental stage.
• Keep communication honest, clear, and age-appropriate.
• Listen more, avoiding lengthy explanations or lectures. Remember the acronym WAIT: “Why Am I Talking?”
• Reduce overscheduled routines and excessive extracurricular activities.
• Allow time for rest, boredom, and unstructured play.

3. Connect Before You Correct

Children manage challenges better when their feelings are acknowledged rather than dismissed. “We want children to understand that difficult emotions are manageable, mistakes are repairable, and setbacks are part of growth,” Rose stated.

Rose’s advice:

• Create a supportive home environment where children feel secure enough to take healthy risks.
• Acknowledge and name children’s emotions before offering solutions or corrections.
• Help children feel understood during tough times.
• Offer guidance or feedback after emotions have settled.

4. Model Healthy Coping

Rose believes that children learn resilience by observing the adults around them. “Children learn far more from what we model than what we tell them,” she explained. “When they continually see healthy coping, flexible thinking, and self-compassion, they internalize these skills.”

Rose’s advice:

• Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think we could do next?” instead of solving problems immediately.
• Encourage effort, persistence, and learning, rather than perfection.
• Model stress management through deep breathing and thoughtful problem-solving.
• Show children that mistakes can be acknowledged and repaired by apologizing when necessary.
• Exhibit flexibility and self-compassion during difficult situations.

For inquiries, contact Newsweek editors Charlotte Nisbet and Emma Lee-Sang.