Catholic Cemetery Memorial Commemorates Lives Lost to Suicide

Bridget Biddinger visited the grave of her brother at Queen of Heaven Catholic Cemetery in Hillside on the seventh anniversary of his death. Her brother died by suicide on June 26, 2019. Every year since then, she has honored his memory at the cemetery. As she approached the site, she noticed a crowd gathering around a new garden and sculpture she had not seen before.

Biddinger learned that the Catholic Cemeteries of the Archdiocese of Chicago was hosting a prayer service and dedication for a memorial shrine. This shrine commemorates lives lost to suicide and honors the families who mourn them. It is a significant milestone, being the first of its kind erected by an archdiocese at a Catholic cemetery in the United States. This represents the Church’s evolving perspective on suicide and mental health.

Historically, the Catholic Church restricted religious funerals and burials for those who died by suicide. Today, the Church, along with society, advocates a compassionate approach. There is greater outreach to individuals facing mental health challenges, emphasizing treatment, deterrence, and spiritual support.

Pope Leo XIV, a native of Chicago, emphasized suicide prevention in his prayers for November. He urged for support for those in darkness and despair, particularly those with suicidal thoughts. The pope also shared a supportive message during a June vigil in Barcelona, encouraging a woman who had attempted suicide to value her second chance at life.

The Archdiocese of Chicago stated that the Church now sees suicide differently, recognizing the mental illness and unbearable pain many victims face. The Church believes these individuals are with God and not condemned. The new memorial at Queen of Heaven Cemetery, named “At Peace,” features two sculptures and is open to all faiths, providing solace for mourners.

During the dedication, Bishop Lawrence Sullivan addressed about 100 attendees. He led a prayer reflecting God’s perfect peace and strength in adversity. Biddinger, among the worshippers, was emotionally moved. She and her family arrived later than intended, yet she felt her brother guided them to the event, offering comfort.

Biddinger’s brother, Daniel Paul Steik, died at age 25. He was a cherished member of their family, known for his love of animals and devotion to family. Biddinger hopes the shrine will help reduce the stigma surrounding suicide, which has lessened over time through better prevention efforts and understanding.

The memorial service highlighted the unique sorrow of suicide. Reverend Charles Rubey, founder of Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide, spoke about the Church’s past lack of support. Previously, those who died by suicide were denied burial in consecrated ground and could not have a Mass.

Rubey recalled encounters with priests who reacted callously to families who lost loved ones to suicide. This inspired him to create rituals honoring such sites as sacred ground where individuals encountered God. During the service, attendees followed the bishop as he blessed the shrine with holy water, viewing the healing sculptures.

One sculpture, a six-foot bronze angel, wraps its wings around a granite bench, offering visitors a place of comfort. Another sculpture displays nine doves rising, symbolizing hope and transcendence.

Rabbi Marianne Novak of Skokie attended the service. Her daughter, Batsheva Chaya Stadlan, died by suicide in 2017 while Novak was in rabbinical school. Novak feared altered funeral customs but was comforted by her rabbi, who treated her daughter’s death as due to an illness.

Novak later joined Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide and became a facilitator, recognizing suicide as an outcome of mental illness rather than a conscious decision. She noted that the support network transcends faiths and backgrounds.

The service concluded with prayers for those affected by suicide and those in mental health ministries. In the United States, over half a million lives were lost to suicide from 2014 to 2024. In 2024, approximately 48,800 Americans died by suicide. Annual numbers have risen since 2000, when 29,350 suicides occurred nationwide.

Melinda Moore, a psychology professor, pointed out the gap in clergy training for pastoral care in suicide situations. She co-edited a book to guide clergy in addressing suicide appropriately. The book emphasizes the clergy’s role in modeling the grief journey for those impacted by suicide.

The shrine at Queen of Heaven Cemetery occupies a prominent location, meant for those seeking God’s love. Bishop Sullivan emphasized this as important for those grieving and searching for hope in the midst of loss.

For Novak, the shrine provided a connection to her daughter and peace in honoring her memory. It reminded her of the Jewish prayer El Malei Rachamim, envisioning loved ones under God’s sheltering wings. Novak cherishes the memories of her daughter, celebrating her life and spirit.