Supporting a Loved One with Cancer: Ways to Help

In middle school, I spent hours on the phone with my cousin, sharing secrets and laughs from the confines of my bedroom closet. Last year, my cousin provided the same comfort as I navigated cancer treatment at age 34.

Experiencing breast cancer transformed my life, but I had unwavering support from family and friends. Knowing how to support someone with cancer can be challenging, but understanding your strengths can help. With 39% of Americans diagnosed with cancer in their lifetimes, according to the National Cancer Institute, knowing how to help is vital.

Specific Roles for Friends and Family

Doctor’s Appointment Buddy

Early in my diagnosis, I attended numerous doctor appointments seeking second opinions. I needed someone to take notes and ask follow-up questions. My friend Zoe Saunders accompanied me to meet my surgeon. Zoe’s experience in summarizing information proved invaluable as we prepared questions and documented the visit.

This role suits you if: You’re organized and detail-oriented, especially in medical settings. Medical background is a plus.

Rich Coker shared how invaluable it was to have doctor friends accompany them when his wife Maya was diagnosed with cancer, asking critical questions.

Procedure Pal and Patient Advocate

During scans, surgeries, and treatments, emotional support and patient advocacy become crucial. Chemotherapy sessions were lengthy and uncomfortable for me; having someone to offer warmth by cuddling, a willingness to advocate for my needs and bring humor was essential.

This role suits you if: You’re comfortable with physical touch, comfortable in silence, and prepared to advocate for the patient.

My support during chemotherapy included my dad, mom, godmother, and cousin.

Companion After Surgeries or Infusions

Chemo left me with cravings and discomfort. My friend brought lentil soup, a comforting creamy dish, along with little presents like a headscarf with whimsical patterns. As I recovered, her presence was a comfort.

This role suits you if: You can handle seeing medical recovery signs and remain mentally strong.

Household Helper and Meal Planner

Helping with day-to-day tasks is a significant way to support. Bringing dinner, doing chores, and coordinating others who want to assist prevent the person from feeling overwhelmed.

This role suits you if: You’re organized and proactive in offering specific help.

Indira White shared how a friend’s initiative in handling household tasks made a big difference during recovery.

Final Thoughts

Regardless of your role, don’t feel compelled to fix everything or offer perfect answers. Simply asking, “Where are you with all this today?” opens an empathetic dialogue. Debra Jarvis, a breast cancer survivor and podcast host, emphasizes patience in waiting for the real response.

Supporting a loved one through cancer involves listening and being present.

This article was edited by Malaka Gharib, with art direction by Beck Harlan.