Postpartum Struggles and the Dilemma of Returning to Work

Returning to work after the birth of my son plunged me into profound depression. Participating in a postpartum depression study at New York University Hospital, I noticed significant changes in my responses after six months. These changes did not surprise me. Handing over the care of my baby to someone else for nine hours a day was difficult, and I became a recluse. My passion for writing and the earnings it brought did not offer clarity about whether I should continue working. Weekly, my paycheck seemed less valuable once childcare costs were deducted.

Before delving further, let me introduce this weekly diary: Mildy Maternal: Diary of a Work In Progress Mom. This is a chronicle of life as a new mom who was unsure about motherhood until infertility became a possibility. For those not following me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook, here’s a snapshot: I am a 34-year-old living in New York City with a 14-month-old child. Navigating motherhood without prior experience, I’m setting my own rules, having never held a baby until my child arrived, which sometimes alarmed my mom.

As a professional writer for about a decade, working at Newsweek for eight years, this job has become integral to my identity. My dad even mentioned Newsweek in his wedding speech. In 2023, the idea of quitting work was laughable to me. While becoming a mother hasn’t entirely changed that view, full-time motherhood doesn’t seem appealing. Nevertheless, two months after returning from maternity leave, I nearly quit. I even drafted several resignation emails.